


phantom limb

by chorima



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Childhood Friends, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, like super super light, markhyuck if you look with a microscope
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-04-04 09:42:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14017503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chorima/pseuds/chorima
Summary: When Jeno moved Jaemin felt like a part of him was missing. That part is finally reattatched when they meet again at a party.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i'm just so soft for nomin!! so i needed to write to cope with all the softness. also what is editing am i right.

New beginnings were scary, especially if those beginnings were the start of college, of a new life, new experiences, new friends... Jaemin was very nervous to move out of his house and into a dorm, and suddenly have all those responsibilities on him. He was not ready at all to be a functional human being without having his parents telling him what to do at all times. On the other hand, that was exciting to him: being able to do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. He worried a lot about keeping a balance that allowed him to pass his subjects and have a somewhat exciting life. He wasn't expecting to go sky-diving or anything, but he really wanted to get to know new people to make interesting plans with. He had good friends at school, and he really did have fun with them, but he was really hoping for something else, although he didn't know what.

 

When he arrived at his dorm room, he noticed there was nobody in there. He knew he was to supposed to share his room with someone else, but maybe they hadn't arrived yet. While he unpacked, he started overthinking. What if college was harder than he actually thought? What if he wasn't meant to be on his own? Was he even able to be on his own? What if his roommate was an asshole? Or what if his roommate thought _he_ was an asshole? He only stopped thinking when he got a call from his mom, who wanted to make sure he was all settled in and okay. He lied to her, he didn't tell her what a mess he was. He didn't want to unnecessarily worry her, and he just figured he was nervous because he had never made such a huge life change. He convinced himself that he was going to be okay in the morning, once he got used to the dorm and his roommate.

 

He actually felt better once he started placing all his things. He hung his clothes on the closet, he put his new sheets on his bed -he chose the one closest to the window, because he thought that he earned the chance to choose by arriving earlier. Tidying his things kept his mind occupied and freed him from all his worries. To him, it was relaxing. It was something he had learned as soon as his parents started to ask him to do chores around the house. At least, that's something he wouldn't have to worry about in the future, because he didn't mind doing it, so he would just get it done whenever. That also made him calm down. Maybe he wouldn't be that terrible at being alone. Maybe he would be okay after all.

 

While he was finishing settling everything, he heard the room door open. He became nervous again, but he took a few breaths in and came out of the sleeping area to greet his new roommate for the whole year.

 

The guy at the door looked like a hot mess. He had two huge suitcases, a backpack and a box full of clutter. Jaemin also had some posters, pictures and some other things he thought would make the room feel more his, but that guy was something else.

 

He finally realized the boy could use some help with his things. "Hey, do you need help?" He asked.

 

The guy looked at Jaemin as if he wasn't expecting anyone to he at the room already, and then smiled. "Humm, yes, I think I could use a hand or two, thank you."

 

As soon as he said that, Jaemin reached for the box the boy was holding, not without struggling a little bit, and his backpack. "It's not big deal." He said. He placed the stuff on the naked mattress of the bed he hadn't chosen. "I hope you don't mind that I already picked my bed. It's just that I like sleeping next to the window." Suddenly, Jaemin felt like he should have waited for his mate to arrive and decide.

 

"It's whatever, don't worry." He sat on the bed, looking exhausted, and sighed. "I'm Lee Donghyuck, by the way. Nice to meet you..."

 

"Na Jaemin," he finished. "Sorry."

 

"So I guess we'll have to share our living space for the next year, Na Jaemin." It looked like Donghyuck wasn't too enthusiastic about that. But at the same time, it looked like he wanted Jaemin to feel that, but was actually joking. Jaemin thought Donghyuck was hard to read.

 

"Yeah, I guess. Might as well get along, then."

 

 

 

A couple of weeks later, Jaemin was feeling so much better. He had come back to his usual self, and he no longer worried. He actually was pretty good at being responsible and taking care of the things he needed to: his room was tidied -at least on his part of it-, he wasn't behind on any of his asignments, and he actually really liked his roommate.

 

Donghyuck wasn't an easy person to deal with. Jaemin realized that soon. Donghyuck was really honest, sometimes too much so, and he liked to mess around with everyone. Jaemin still hadn't gotten used to him, and it was hard for him to know when the guy was being serious or when he was just kidding. Overall, Donghyuck was good company, and fun to be with. Jaemin just had to spend a little more time with him just to fully know where he was coming from, although he never took anything his roommate said the wrong way.

 

Jaemin felt really happy. When Donghyuck was with him, he never got bored. His classes were going well, even though some of them were harder than he thought. But he never said no to a challenge. He also met other people besides his roommate. There was this guy, Renjun, who was in almost all of his classes. They started sitting together all the time, and Jaemin was excited to have found someone else with the same interests as himself. They had hung out a few times for coffee, and Renjun was actually really sweet and cool to be with. Jaemin could see them becoming real friends.

 

It was finally Friday and Jaemin had already finished his homework, so he was free the whole weekend. He hadn't planned on doing anything whatsoever, maybe reading some of the books he had brought from home that he was too lazy to finish -he had hopes on his future self when he decided he wanted to bring those books with him-, or maybe he would hit up Renjun to go for a walk.

 

Donghyuck came back to the room little after Jaemin had finished all he had to do. The latter actually was startled when he heard the door open in such a loud way.

 

"Get ready, loser, we're going to a party." Donghyuck announced, throwing his backpack on his bed carelessly, and grabbing a water bottle to drink like he had been a month in the desert.

 

"A party?" That was the last thing Jaemin had expected to do that night. Maybe play some videogames, watch a movie. But he would be lying if he said he wasn't eager to finally get to party. It had been ages since he last went to one, and he had always wanted to go out more in college. He had heard they were wild.

 

"Yup. You know the guy I talked to you the other day? The one on my History class?" Yes, Jaemin knew. Donghyuck had been talking about him non-stop for the last few days, but he always made it in a subtle way so Jaemin wouldn't notice he had a huge crush. Jaemin wasn't dumb: he did notice, he just didn't say anything.

 

"Mark-hyung?" Jaemin replied, pretending not to really pay attention to the mention of Mark.

"Yes, Mark-hyung. He told me to come by tonight, and that I could bring whoever I wanted. So you're lucky I picked you."

 

"I'm lucky?" Jaemin cackled. "As if you had any more options!"

 

Donghyuck gave him a killer look.

 

"Don't worry, you won't look like a loser in front of Mark. I'm going with you."

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, editing is overrated lmao

Donghyuck rushed to his closet to get changed. He looked eager to go to the party, and Jaemin could obviously guess why: he wanted to impress Mark.

 

Jaemin fixed his hair so it would look nicer than usual. He also changed his clothes for something a little more "going-out-like." Not that he was going to show up in super fancy clothes at the party, but he couldn't not change: he was wearing sweatpants and an old T-Shirt one of his friends had gotten him on a vacation. He put on some nice black jeans and a bomber jacket over his white hoodie. He looked nice, but comfortable at the same time.

 

When they both had finished getting ready, they exited the dorm. Jaemin was excited to have his first college party. Also, by what Donghyuck had told him about Mark, he could guess there would be a lot of cool people.

 

The place of the party wasn't too far from their dorm. According to Donghyuck, it was Mark's place. It was an old building, and you could really spot in which apartment the party was, as lots of neon lights came out through its windows. The hip-hop music playing was also loud. When they got into the building, they could feel how the bass shook the ground and got into their bodies. The loud music put Jaemin in the mood to drink, so that's the first thing they did when they got into the apartment.

 

There were lots of people, all around their twenties. Most of them were already drunk, and they danced to the loud music playing. Everything smelled like alcohol, sweat and smoke.

 

"C'mon, let's get some drinks." Suggested Donghyuck after a few seconds of entering the place and looking around searching for a familiar face -at which they did not succeed.

 

The walked towards a table with loads of bottles with different kinds of alcohol in them. Donghyuck grabbed two cups and turned to Jaemin to ask him what kind of alcohol he wanted. The boy asked for vodka without hesitating. It tasted awful, but he wasn't planning on enjoying its taste, but its effects. He wanted to be tipsy to enjoy the ambience of the party. Donghyuck then nodded and poured vodka in the two cups.

 

Their drinks seemed to quickly disappear everytime they got another round, so they repeated the process a few times. At the third one, Donghyuck was already feeling tipsy, and Jaemin could tell by his giggles, the relaxed look on his eyes and especially the way he moved. That kid couldn't hold his booze, at all. Jaemin himself could already feel the effects building up, and he let himself dance loosely, without any kind of shame. He was really having fun, and he was really glad he was with Donghyuck.

At some point, his friend disappeared, saying he wanted to see Mark. If Jaemin wasn't having all that fun by himself he would have asked Donghyuck not to leave him alone. But he was feeling great. It felt nice to be surrounded by more people who didn't care about how they or the other ones attending the party danced. It was somewhat freeing to be there.

 

But as time passed, Jaemin got bored of being alone. What was the point of dancing alone, if he could be with his friend? So he decided to look around for Donghyuck. He finally found him sitting on a couch with two other guys. One of them seemed too young to be at a party, the other one was... How old could that guy be?

 

Donghyuck noticed Jaemin approaching them and got up, not whitout any difficulty, to greet him. As soon as they were close enough, Donghyuck clinged to Jaemin so he didn't fall to the ground. God, he was really _really_ drunk.

 

"Jaemin, MY MAN," Donghyuck shouted, so he could be heard by Jaemin and the other two guys. The music still drowned his words.

 

"Hey... I've been looking for you. Are you okay?" Jaemin wasn't as drunk himself, but holding all his friend's weight was definitely a struggle.

 

"YEAH! Just hanging with MARK and YUKHEI." Donghyuck screamed their names in a weird way, which made the two boys laugh. Then Jaemin attempted to sit him down right where he was before, and sat next to him. "Mark... Yukhei..... This is Jaemin, the best roommate ever." Jaemin thought that if Donghyuck was sober, he wouldn't have said that. That's another thing he had learned about his roommate: he wasn't too good at complimenting people, and when he did, he sounded like he was being sarcastic.

 

Mark smiled a bit and Yukhei held his fist up waiting for a bump. They didn't look -or sound- drunk.

 

"Is this guy bothering you?" Jaemin asked them. They both laughed.

 

"Not at all," replied Mark, "Hyuck is a great dude. I'm glad he came and that he is having so much... fun."

 

Donghyuck laughed with them this time, obviously not being aware of the fact that they were actually roasting him for being so drunk. That made everything even funnier.

 

"Maybe you want to take him home, though." Mark glanced at Donghyuck in a concerned manner when he said that. "For his own good, you know. If he falls asleep out there there is no way you can take him home."

 

"Agreed, I think it's time for us to leave." Jaemin started getting up.

 

He helped Donghyuck get up. He sure was heavy, damn. Once he was standing, he took his friend's arm and put it over his shoulders so he could help him walk. They said goodbye and started walking towards the door. Dodging all those people was truly a challenge, because no one cared to bump into one another.

 

He was reaching for the door when Jaemin noticed someone tapping his back. "Na Jaemin?" He turned around and his jaw dropped. He almost lost the strength to stand and to help Donghyuck, so he had to recompose in order not to let his friend fall into the ground. He was shocked, so shocked, it took him a while to be able to speak.

 

"J-Jeno? Lee Jeno?" he muttered. "Wha-what are you doing here?"

 

The guy who just tapped on his shoulder, Jeno, smiled relieved that Jaemin remembered him. But how could he forget? How could he forget that beautiful smile? How could he forget the one who had been his best friend for so many years?

 

Jeno shrudded. "I'm friends with Mark and Yukhei." He then laid his eyes on Donghyuck. "Do you need any help?"

 

Jaemin became aware again that he was trying to take his friend home safely. He was so surprised that he found Jeno, that he had forgotten about anything else. He was finally living the moment he had dreamed of for years. Reuniting with his best friend, the one who moved cities when they were thirteen leaving him absolutely heartbroken.

 

He finally nodded. "Yeah, this fucker is heavy as hell, I don't know how I'm supposed to take him downstairs."

 

Jeno let out a laugh and took Donghyuck's free arm around his neck, just as Jaemin had done on the other side. The boy noticed how much easier it was when it was two people carrying a drunk person around instead of one. While they carefully went downstairs, Jeno asked a lot of questions. _How have you been? Are you studying here now? Where are you staying?_ Once they were downstairs, they agreed on making a pause, letting Donghyuck sit on the ground for a while.

 

"So, how do you know Mark and Yukhei?" Jeno asked.

 

"How do you know I know them?" Jaemin raised an eyebrow. He really wasn't that close to the hosts of the party.

 

Jeno shrudded again. "I saw you all talking. You know, I almost didn't recognize you, with all that hair dye and those piercings." Jaemin could swear he had never seen someone whose smile was as beatiful as Jeno's. His heart dropped to his stomach, like every time he saw Jeno smile.

 

"Well, you are all still the same. Same black hair, same charming eyes." The alcohol made him say that. "I don't know them all that well, though. Donghyuck here is friends with Mark, and basically forced to me come. But I'm glad he did."

 

"Yeah, me too. I guess it was all fate wanting us to meet again."

 

When those words exited Jeno's mouth, Jaemin became super nervous. "I need to-to take Donghyuck home. He's falling asleep on the ground, you know."

 

"Sure, I get it." Jeno helped him put Donghyuck on his feet again. "Where to?"

 

Jaemin blinked, he was taken by surprise, again, for the hundredth time that night. "You don't have to come, Jeno. You've helped enough. Really, go back to the party." He insisted.

 

"Nah, I was just leaving. I don't mind helping you, Nana." Jaemin got a chill down his spine. It had been a long time since someone called him that. "I _want_ to."

 

Jaemin finally accepted Jeno's offer. The truth was, he didn't want to say goodbye just yet. They hadn't seen each other in five years. At first they wrote letters back and forth, but then they got busy, or maybe just started forgetting. Jaemin didn't blame anyone, it was normal for them to grow apart, to find new people, new interests. And to be fair, he had been the first one not to reply in a long time to one of Jeno's letters, because he didn't have the time to do so. After that, instead of two letters per week, they sent two a month, and eventually, they stopped. Jaemin of course was -is- sad about it, but he didn't want to bother Jeno. He wanted Jeno to be happy, and maybe he wasn't meant to be a part of that. Maybe they weren't meant to stay friends forever. He had finally gottten used to that idea. But it hurt, it hurt _so_ much.

 

Jeno even helped Jaemin get Donghyuck into his bed. Then Jaemin got a glass of water and an aspirine and put it on Donghyuck's bedside table. He was going to need it the next day.

 

"Thank you for helping, Jeno. Really." He whispered. He didn't want to wake Donghyuck up.

 

"It's fine, Nana, really. To be honest, I didn't want to let you go that easy." Jeno seemed embarrassed, looking down while rubbing his nape. "It's just... When I saw you talking to Mark and Yukhei, I didn't know what to do. Maybe you didn't want to see me."

 

"So why did you talk to me?"

 

"Because you were my best friend, Nana!" Jeno looked Jaemin straight in the eyes. "I have missed you like crazy, God. I wouldn't forgive myself if I didn't go talk to you."

 

Jaemin could feel his face heating up. "Well, I'm glad you did. I have missed you too."

 

Again, Jaemin's heart skipped a beat when Jeno smiled.

 

They exchanged numbers and agreed on getting a coffee soon to catch up. After all, they had missed five years of each other's lives. That's a lot to catch up on.

 

When Jeno finally left, Jaemin put on his pyjamas and made himself a cup of tea to drink in bed. He had trouble falling asleep. He was afraid that if he did, Jeno would disappear from his life again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed the chapter! i think i'll be posting on sundays from now on. meanwhile you can follow me on twitter for more nomin softness because i never shut up (@c0smicg4y). it would be nice if you leave kudos and comments^^


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am aware this chapter is super short sigh, hope you like it, tho!

The next day, Jaemin stayed in bed until late. He had had trouble sleeping, because he couldn't think about anything that wasn't Jeno. He kept on going over their memories together -which were a lot-, and all the feelings that had haunted him for the past five years came back stronger. When Jeno moved because of his dad's work, Jaemin had the worst time of his life. He sure had other friends, but none of them were _him_. None of them could make Jaemin light up just by showing up, by asking him how he was doing, by inviting him over. As the time passed, Jaemin got used to not having Jeno by his side, but he still felt like a part of him was missing. It was like having a limb amputated, and having to get used to start living without it.

 

They were inseparable. They made each and every class project together, they had lunch together, they studied together. Even teachers associated Jaemin with Jeno and Jeno with Jaemin. Jeno's parents treated Jaemin like a son, and viceversa. Having his best friend taken away had been devastating.

 

Yet there he was again. And he hadn't changed one bit. Jaemin couldn't help but wonder if their relationship would still be the same. If they could continue where they left off. He was excited to have Jeno near him again, but he was also nervous. Jaemin knew for a fact that he had changed a lot. What if Jeno didn't like the new Jaemin?

 

He was in bed scrolling through his social media when he heard Donghyuck moving and grunting. He left his phone on the bedside table and sat on his bed to watch if his roommate was finally awake.

 

Donghyuck looked... well, he looked awful. He had bags under his eyes and his lips were cracked. His hair was also a mess.

 

"Rise and shine-" Jaemin started to say jokingly.

 

"Don't you dare talk to me." His roommate cut him off in a low voice. He really was scary.

 

Donghyuck reached for the glass of water Jaemin had left on his bedside table when they got him into bed and took it all in one gulp. Jaemin blinked twice, shocked. Someone was clearly hangover.

 

"So..." Donghyuck started. "Did I make myself look like a fool in front of Mark?"

 

"Oh, so you _do_ like Ma-"

 

"Answer." Donghyuck looked like he could kill Jaemin at any moment.

 

"No, you didn't. He mostly seemed concerned about you making it home safely."

 

"Yeah, about that... You didn't bring me here all by yourself, did you?" Donghyuck seemed like he knew the answer to that question but wanted to fool around with Jaemin.

 

"Uhm... Nope."

 

His roommated showed him a devilish grin. "So who was he? The hottie that helped you?"

 

"No one. An old friend. It's okay."

 

"Is it though?" Donghyuck was back to his usual annoying self. Jaemin sighed.

 

"His name is Jeno. We haven't seen each other for five years. He was my best friend, he moved, we lost contact... That's pretty much all there is to it, really."

 

"Are you planning on seeing him again?"

 

"We exchanged numbers and talked about grabbing coffee sometime... Why are you so interested, anyways?"

 

"I am not. But _you_ looked interested in _him_." Dongkyuck said playfully, wiggling his eyebrows. "I think you should text him."

 

"I didn't ask for advice, shut up. You're such a pain in the ass."

 

"You'll thank that pain in the ass later, I'm telling you."

 

 

Jaemin decided he did want to text Jeno. He really wanted to see him again. But he didn't know what to say, and asking his annoying roommate for advice was not an option. What did Donghyuck know, anyways? Nothing, that's what. Jaemin hadn't cared to explain anything to him. It felt too personal, in a way. Besides, it looked like he thought his intentions with Jeno were far off from reality. Since Jaemin had come to terms with his sexuality, he had been able to identify his feelings for Jeno as something more than a good friendship, but was it what it was now? Was he really still in love? Jeno seemed like the same dorky, kind, caring person, but what if he wasn't? He realized he couldn't tell just by what had happened the night before.

 

hey, jeno? it's jaemin ‹

 

› hi!

› i was going to text you rn hehe

› how's your friend's hangover?

 

he'll be fine, dw ‹

 

 

› and how r u?

› did u sleep well?

uhh not really ‹

i might go get coffee to wake up once in for all ‹

wanna join? ‹

 

› sure im in

› what time?

 

is at 6 ok with u? ‹

 

› yup

› see u at 6 then

 

 

Jaemin hopped into the shower to get rid of all the dirt from the night before, styled his bangs in a casual yet put together way, and put on some of his cologne. He had trouble choosing what to wear, because he didn't want it to look like he tried too hard, but he wanted to look good for Jeno. He then figured he'd go for a i'm-slightly-hangover-but-still-look-good outfit, so he put on black pants, a graphic t-shirt and a denim jacket. Good enough.

 

They agreed to meet at a coffee shop near Jaemin's dorm, because Jeno didn't live that far off and they both could get there walking. Jaemin was nervous to meet him alone without being drunk. He didn't even know where he had gotten the courage to text him first.

 

When he arrived, he didn't see Jeno, so he waited for him outside of the coffee shop. He finally showed up after what seemed to Jaemin a hundred years but were actually a couple of minutes. He looked effortlessly good, and Jaemin was embarrassed of how much time he spent thinking about what to wear.

 

"Hey, Nana." Jeno's smile was as bright as always.

 

"Hi, Jen." He replied shyly. "Shall we?" He asked, holding the door open.

 

Jaemin got an iced latte and Jeno got an americano, and he insisted on paying for both. Jaemin only consented to it when he realized that gave him an excuse to meet again to make up for it. They seated at a table next to one the windows of the café. At first they just sat there in silence, not knowing exactly what to say. _Well, that's awkward. I shouldn't have asked him to come_.

 

"So," Jeno started, breaking the silence, "you didn't tell me what you're majoring in. Are you making your dream of becoming a doctor come true?"

 

Jaemin blinked twice, surprised. "You remember about that?"

 

"Of course." By Jeno's facial expression, it looked like Jaemin had just said something really dumb. "Nana, we've known each other for, like, forever. Five years can't erase a lifetime of memories. You were my best friend, of course I remember what your dream was."

 

The other boy looked down. "To be honest, I don't know what to expect about what you remember and don't... But in any case, yes, I am still planning on becoming a doctor. Do you still want to be a teacher?"

 

Jeno laughed. "Nah, not really. I'm in the arts program now, I want to be a dancer. I guess I should thank you for basically forcing me to join the dance club back then..."

 

"Jeno! That's great!" Jaemin was genuinely happy for him."I'm so glad you found something you truly love."

 

"Thanks, Nana. That actually means a lot."

 

He did remember how, when they were ten, he had dragged a very embarrassed Jeno into a dance class just because he thought the choreographies were pretty and wanted to see them up close. He remembered Jeno's eyes lightning up in excitement as they watched the dancers. He remembered thinking how cool it would be if Jeno joined the club, because he seemed like a good fit.

 

After much begging to his parents, - _really? Dancing? Why don't you join the debate club instead?_ \- Jeno had joined the club. Jaemin remembered goin to his rehersals, to his competitions. But he also remembered Jeno not being fully serious about it, maybe because his parents wanted him to have a "real" career, maybe because he was too young to even consider it.

 

So yeah, he was really happy Jeno had finally found his passion and put all his effort into it.

 

After that, everything went on smoothly. They kept talking about their studies, Jeno told Jaemin about his roommates on his apartment out of campus, Jaemin told Jeno about Donghyuck, or as Jeno called him, "his drunk friend." It felt like they had never drifted apart. Jaemin was happy to have gotten his best friend back.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't forget to leave kudos and comments if you enjoyed!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, i apologize for possible mistakes, enjoy!

Jaemin was late to class, something really rare in him. The night before he had been up texting Jeno until late. It was just so hard to let go of his phone whenever he heard the message notification. He couldn't leave unread anything that Jeno sent, even if it was a shitty meme.

 

The fact that he was up until so late annoyed Donghyuck a lot.

 

"Go the fuck to sleep, you moron." He had groaned, covering his face with his bed sheets.

 

"You don't own me, asshole." Jaemin was too invested on his conversation with Jeno he didn't even bother to come up with a better clapback.

 

"At least turn the brightness of your screen down a little... There are people trying to sleep in here, you know." His roommate desisted.

 

When he got to his classroom and saw the door closed -the teacher didn't allow them to come in if it was closed-, he started regretting his decisions. _Fuck you, Jeno,_ he thought. He cursed Jeno and himself a hundred times before deciding what to do. He thought the best he could do was explain to Renjun that he had overslept and ask him for his notes, and go to the cafeteria and get something for breakfast, as he hadn't had anything to eat that morning because of the rush.

 

As soon as he sat down with his coffee and muffin, waiting for the first period to end, he got a text. He was certain who it was from.

 

› nana -.-

› i was late bc of u

› u better make it up to me

 

fuck u jen ‹

i was also late bc of u ‹

 

He decided to ignore the flow of texts Jeno sent him next and get some work done while finishing his breakfast.

 

When the bell rang, he picked up his stuff and took the elevator to the fourth floor, where his next lecture took place. Renjun was waiting for him outside with a confused expression in his face.

 

"Where were you at first period?" was the first thing he asked.

 

"I overslept and couldn't make it. I'm so mad. Did he check attendance?"

 

"Yep. Sorry, man. I can lend you my notes if you want to, though."

 

"Yeah, thank you."

 

Renjun didn't ask any more questions about why he had overslept, and Jaemin was thankful for that. He didn't need anyone to scold him for spending too much time on his phone talking to a boy. He could do that himself.

 

That's why he turned off his phone for the rest of the morning, he already had a lot on his plate and was pissed enough about earlier. He needed to focus on his lectures and his notes if he wanted good grades, and having Jeno distracting him constantly wouldn't exactly help him ace his tests.

 

When he finally was done with his classes, he turned his phone back on. Little did he know, his phone would start ringing like crazy from all the notifications. _Little shit_ , he said to himself. This didn't go unnoticed by Renjun, who was shocked by the sudden sound of all the text notifications.

 

"Someone must love you very much, dude." He joked.

 

Jaemin sighed. "Shut up, it's an old friend. I turned my phone off for this exact same reason. He won't let me concentrate."

 

"Whatever, Jaemin, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to." Noted Renjun, not buying the "old friend" crap.

 

"If there was anything else to it, I wouldn't mind telling you, I promise!" Jaemin noticed they sounded closer than they actually were, but it didn't bother him. In fact, it made him kind of happy.

 

He checked Jeno's texts.

 

› are you free today?

› nana?

› nana r u ded?

› nanaaaaaaaaaaaaa

› oh my fucking god he fucking dead

› sorry jdfhdhj

› i guess you're in class

› anyways i'm coming over later

› around 2:00 pm?

› idk why i'm asking if ur not reading my texts

› well.... see u i guess

 

Jaemin thought Jeno was both cute and annoying. In a way it was also fun to leave him hanging like that. After all, that's what he deserved for keeping him up until late. Then he checked the time.

 

"Fuck." He mumbled.

 

Renjun turned to him, frowning. "What's wrong?"

 

"Nothing, I just-... I gotta get to the dorm real quick. I was supposed to meet up with someone and I'm already late." He looked from his phone back to Renjun. "I'm sorry. See you tomorrow?"

 

"Yeah, don't worry. See you."

 

They waved goodbye and Jaemin started running back to the dorm.

 

When he got to the room, Jeno was waiting outside, sitting next to the door looking at his phone, with his headphones on. Jaemin kicked him lightly in the leg. Jeno got his headphones off and put them on his backpack when he got up from the floor.

 

"Will you let me get an education or do I have to call the cops and tell them you are stalking me?" Jaemin asked.

 

"It's nice to see you too, Nana." Replied Jeno with his usual bright smile, the one that made Jaemin's heart melt.

 

He finally opened the door and they both walked in. Donghyuck wasn't there yet, because his lectures finished in the middle of the afternoon. Jaemin kicked his shoes off right by the door and left his backpack next to them, and Jeno imitated him. Then he moved on to the sink and poured some water in a glass: his throat was dry from running to the dorm. He offered some to Jeno too, and they both leaned on the counter while they drank in silence.

 

"So, are you telling me what are you doing here?" Jaemin finally asked.

 

"Oh, yeah. Nothing, I was bored and I wanted to hang out." Jaemin's heart climbed up to his throat. "Do you want to watch a movie or something?"

 

"Jeno, I have things to do!" The other guy laughed at his protest, and Jaemin slapped him on the arm. "Really! You are such a distraction, God!"

 

"So, is that a yes?"

 

Jaemin didn't want to admit he really would like to watch a movie with him, but he finally gave in. "Okay..."

 

They spent most of the afternoon arguing about which movie to watch. Jaemin wasn't fond of horror movies and Jeno said he wasn't in to mood for anything with superheroes on it. _"Jeno, you were the one who wanted to watch a movie, you should have thought this through!"_ snapped Jaemin at some point. They ended up watching a rom-com, but started talking about everything wrong with the characters and their relationship, and how it wouldn't be like that in real life.

 

"Nana, can I ask you something?" Jeno asked at some point.

 

"Shoot."

 

"Have you ever been in a relationship?"

 

Jaemin took his time to answer. Yes, he had had relationships. But they never worked out for some reason or another. He had dated a girl when he was sixteen, because it felt like the right thing to do. The reason why it didn't last was obvious. In the end, he kind of cherished it in a way. It made him get to know himself better, it made him realize once in for all that he wasn't attracted to girls. For a minute he thought about Siyeon and how hurt she was at first when he broke up with her after two weeks dating. He remembered how they both started to cry when he told her the truth. She confessed that she had noticed something was up with him, promised to keep his secret and wished him the best. They stayed friends after all. Then he dated a guy for a while, Minhyuk, but he got tired of it. Besides, at the time only Siyeon and other two of his friends knew he was gay, and Minhyuk really wanted their relationship to be public. Jaemin wasn't ready for that, and although he liked the boy, he decided to let him go. He didn't want to hold anyone back.

 

"Yes," he replied carefully. He didn't want to come out to Jeno yet, if it was possible. He would have to sleep on it first. He bit his bottom lip. "Why do you ask?"

 

"I don't know, sorry if that made you uncomfortable. It's just... Sometimes I think I'm not worthy of being loved like in the movies, you know?"

 

"Jeno, why are you saying that?" How could he say that? He was literally the best person everyone could ever wish for. Anyone would be lucky to have him. He was more than worthy.

 

Jeno was staring right at his hands, which rested on his lap. He couldn't stop fidgeting with a silver ring that he wore on his left hand. "I guess it is because all my past relationships were a mess. I get bored of people and end up hurting them. I don't want it to be like that. I want it to be real, to be meaningful..."

 

Jaemin moved closer to him and put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it lightly as if to say "I'm here, it's going to be okay," and then he said: "you just have to find the right person." Jeno looked up from his hands into Jaemin's eyes.

 

In that moment the door opened and Donghyuck came into the room. Jaemin sighed and got back to his original seat, not so close to Jeno. He didn't want his roommate to tease him any more than he already did.

 

"Hey, Jeno's here." He announced.

 

Donghyuck hadn't noticed yet that they had a visit, so when he heard that, he looked confused.

 

"Oh, right, you." He tried hiding the fact that he knew exactly who Jeno was, but he didn't put much effort into it so, as always, it sounded sarcastic, and Jaemin gave him a killer look.

 

"Jaemin's drunk friend, here you are!" Jeno sounded like he didn't even notice Donghyuck's sarcasm.

 

"So that's how I'm going down on History... As Jaemin's drunk friend... Tragic." He said as he walked towards the sleeping area to lay on his bed.

 

Jaemin knew he was going to listen and watch everything he and Jeno did to tease him later, so he suggested to go out for dinner. And so they did.

 

That night Jeno let Jaemin get the amount of sleep he needed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you liked it! kudos and comments are always welcome, and you can also hmu on twitter (@c0smicg4y).


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy update day! hope you enjoy this one, i think it's one of my faves so far

It was a Tuesday afternoon and it was heavily raining. Jaemin had finished his lectures early that day because some of his teachers were headed to conferences that took place during that month. That gave him some extra time to study, which he diligently did every day when he arrived, beyond tired, to his room. He knew becoming a doctor had always been his dream, since he had memory, but was it really worth all the work? He sometimes thought of that when he was exceptionally exhausted, but he always ended up discarding those thoughts, because, as his mother always said, nothing good comes out of you when you are angry, sad or tired.

 

He was sitting at his desk, listening to the rain hit the windows. He usually put on some piano music to help him concentrate, but the rain worked much better for him. There was something somewhat soothing about listening to it, that almost always put him on a better mood.

 

Renjun had asked him if he wanted to go to the library together and spend there all afternoon studying like crazy, and at first he agreed to it. They could get a study room for themselves and study out loud, help each other. But then Renjun cancelled, because he ran into an old friend from China who was staying in Seoul for two weeks, and he wanted to hang out. That was okay for Jaemin, after all, he couldn't blame Renjun for wanting to meet his friend, as he had been doing the same for the past few months.

 

Jaemin dropped the green highlighter he had been using the past hours on the table, sighing in frustration. Sometimes it was too much, it got to his head, it made him go crazy, feel like he was trapped.

Donghyuck, who was studying on his bed, looked up from his literature book. "Are you okay?"

 

"No."

 

"You know you can take a break if you need it, right?"

 

"Yeah, mom, I know."

 

"Okay, asshole, I'm just saying. You looked stressed." Donghyuck was annoyed by his attitude. He got that Jaemin was frustrated and all, but he just wanted to help.

 

Jaemin got up, visibly angry. Not at Donghyuck, of course, but at life. He was tired, and it made him moody. And his roommate was right, he needed a break from all of the stress school caused him.

 

He put on his jacket, a beanie and grabbed his headphones, his wallet and an umbrella. He had no idea where he was going, but at least he was getting some fresh air.

 

He started walking without any direction. It felt good to stretch his legs and back after a whole day sitting down. His eyes also thanked finally not being focused on tiny texts and pictures of his books. He was feeling better physically, but he was still moody. He didn't know what to do to clear his mind, to forget about all of his textbooks.

 

Jeno's face popped into his mind. When they were younger, he would always ask him to come over to play videogames if he was having a bad day. And the boy would always make him feel better. For a lot of time, that wasn't an option, but they were finally together again. He could hit him up. Yeah, he should do that. He should totally text Jeno, he would help him.

 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        jen, can we meet? ‹

 

It took a while for Jeno to reply, and when he did Jaemin was disappointed. He had forgotten Jeno told him he had gotten a job as a dance teacher at the studio his roomate parents owned. Taeyong, Jeno's roommate, was also a dancer, a pretty good one, according to Jeno. So when he offered him a job, he was flattered and accepted inmediately. He was now busy at the studio.

 

› is there something wrong?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           im not feeling rlly well tbh ‹

› ill text u the address

› u can come see me

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  thank u jen ‹

 

Jaemin arrived to the building half an hour later. He asked for Jeno at the reception desk, and they told him he could find his friend on the third floor, room number C-15. Jaemin thanked them and took the elevator to the third floor. He looked through the tiny window of the door to check if Jeno was inside, which he was. It had been long since Jaemin last had seen Jeno dance, and God had he gotten so much better. His friend was dancing in front of a huge mirror, so he could see his facial expressions from his spot. His moves were sharp and precise, he looked concentrated. Jaemin didn't notice when he started smiling.

 

Jaemin couldn't hear the music or anything that happened inside of the room, but he assumed they finished the class when everyone dispersed and got their towels and water bottles. When Jeno turned around, he saw Jaemin on the other side of the door and smiled at him waving a little, and walked to where he was to meet him.

 

"How long have you been there?" was the first thing he asked.

 

"Just a couple of minutes. I like seeing you dance." Jaemin smiled shyly at Jeno.

 

"Then you should come over more often."

 

"I don't know, I would just bother you..."

 

"No, Nana, don't say that. I'm inviting you, right?"

 

All the dancers, who looked like they were in their early teens, exited the room saying goodbye to Jeno, who smiled kindly and waved at them. Then they both walked into the room and Jeno closed the door behind them.

 

"We can hang here if that's okay." He said.

 

"Sure."

 

Jeno sat down on the floor and covered his head with a towel while he drank from his water bottle. He looked exhausted from all the physical activity.

 

"So, what happened to you?" He asked Jaemin when he finished drinking. The boy sat down next to him and leaned his head against the wall, closing his eyes.

 

"I'm fed up with my classes. It's too much, even for me, bookworm-Jaemin." He replied, adding a sarcastic tone to the last part. "I didn't know what to do to disconnect."

 

Jeno stared at him, unsure of what he should say to make him feel better.

 

"Well... I'm glad you texted me. I really have no idea what to tell you." He shrugged. "You always did all the right things. Remember that one time you had the flu for a week but never missed a class? I guess what I'm trying to say is, you need to learn to cut yourself a little slack. You don't need to be perfect, because you are already pretty great without trying." Jaemin looked at him and they both smiled at each other.

 

"You always know how to make me feel better, Jen."

 

Jeno blew a kiss at him while he was getting up, and the younger tried to hide the fact that he was blushing.

 

"Now I'm going to show you a little something I've been working on. Next time, you'll have to pay to see me, but for now..."

 

He turned the music on and then walked to a point in the exact middle of the room, in front of the mirror, and showed him his new choreography.

 

They spent there a good three hours. At first it was just Jaemin watching Jeno dance, but then the latter forced him to join, saying it would be "good to clear your mind." It was not that Jaemin couldn't dance, he wasn't _that bad_ at it, but dancing next to Jeno on purpose would be a self-drag. But he finally agreed to it when his friend basically threatened to kick him out of the studio if he didn't dance along.

 

Jeno was right, it definitely cleared his mind. He understood why Jeno always talked about dancing like he was in love with it. It was so easy to forget about everything else when you had to focus on your own body moving to the beat.

 

It was late when Jaemin went back to his dorm, but taking into account how his mood had drastically improved since he had left, angry and frustrated, he figured it all had been worth it. Donghyuck was waiting for him, and his face screamed how worried he was.

 

"Where did you go?" He didn't even bother to insult Jaemin, like in all of the other countless ocasions in which he had annoyed him.

 

"I was with Jeno."

 

Donghyuck relaxed when he heard it, like a heavy weight had been lifted from his shoulders. "Oh, now I get it, you _lovebird_."

 

Jaemin didn't even bother to correct him. Donghyuck was right, he was in love with Jeno. That afternoon helped him figure that out too.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so we are halfway there! i already finished writing this fic and maybe it's not the best you'll ever find here, but it's my baby T_T i'm planning on writing more so stay tuned if you'd like? anyways, don't forget to comment and leave kudos if you liked this, and you can also follow me on twitter (c0smicg4y) because i can never get enough of nomin and i cy about them there all the time sigh


	6. Chapter 6

Saturdays were Jaemin's holy days, and that meant no studying at all. It was nice for him to have a day per week just for himself. Renjun had conviced him to do so after he told him about the slight breakdown he had had a few days earlier. He told Jaemin he had been doing it since his last year of school, because the pressure to get good grades was so high he basically panicked every time he sat in front of a textbook and his brain went full lockdown. Jaemin trusted him enough to follow along his recommendations, so he chose Saturdays: if there was a party on Friday, he could sleep in without feeling guilty about it, and there were more interesting things to do on a Saturday than a Sunday, for example.

 

Renjun had offered to come over and, to be honest, Jaemin felt like hanging out with him. They hadn't made any plans, but they had gotten so close, to the point Jaemin didn't mind just talking to him for hours. It felt like they had been friends for years.

 

He got dressed quickly -although they were close, he didn't want to welcome Renjun in his pyjamas- and tidied the room a little. Donghyuck's part was a mess, and at that point Jaemin didn't even bother to tell him what to do anymore. He would just tell everyone who came in to forgive his beast of a roommate, and do the best to keep his part clean.

 

Renjun got there about half an hour later. He had gotten himself and Jaemin drinks from the café across the street, which Jaemin loved, and insisted on not taking any money from Jaemin. "You'll treat me next time, don't even worry."

 

They talked about everything but their classes. Renjun also had told him that, on his days off, he shouldn't even think about anything that wasn't treating himself. The first few days, it had been hard not to talk about all the things he had to get done, but Renjun always made sure to remind him not to that so he could get used to fully disconnect. Jaemin was grateful for his friend's patience and advice. He felt so much better since.

 

During this time, Jaemin kept thinking about confessing to Renjun his feelings for Jeno. Ever since the day of the breakdown, also known as the day he finally admitted to himself that he was in love with Jeno _again_ , it had taken a huge place on his thoughts. When he wasn't thinking about anatomy, biochemistry or histology -his nightmare-, he would remember Jeno's soft eyes staring at him, or Jeno's sweet smile, and it would send shivers down his spine. When the thought of being in love with Jeno came to his head, he didn't reject it, because it just felt natural to him. So it just felt natural to want to talk about it to someone he trusted. And yes, he trusted Donghyuck, but he couldn't deal with all the "i told you so" and "you're so whipped" comments. He just wanted to talk to someone willing to listen, and he knew Renjun was the one.

 

"So, Jun... I've been meaning to tell you something." He started. He had no clue how to put it. The older looked at him, and nodded, letting him know that he had his attention. "I'm- well, I'm... I'm kinda in love with someone."

 

"So? Who is it?" Renjun didn't seem surprised. Maybe he had picked up the signs and put two and two together on his own. Even though he probably even knew who Jaemin was in love with too, he didn't jump into conclussions and let his friend talk.

 

"Jeno. I've talked to you about him before, right?"

 

"Yes, you have, indeed, mentioned his existence _many_ times." Jaemin wanted to roll his eyes at the older's sarcasm but didn't, because he knew he was probably annoying. "So, what are you going to do?"

 

"I have no clue. For all I know, he is into girls. He probably thinks I'm straight too, which is..."

 

"Insulting?" Renjun finished. They both burst out laughing.

 

"No!" Jaemin replied, still laughing. "But, you know. It's kinda obvious I am not."

 

"Maybe he is just oblivious?" His friend suggested.

 

Yeah, maybe.

 

 

 

The rest of the afternoon Renjun patiently listened to Jaemin rant about Jeno, and how soft his hair was, what a pretty eye smile he had, the adorable way in which he giggled every time Jaemin said anything unfunny to the rest of the world. Jaemin even went back in time and told his friend about their childhood. Like the time some older kids were messing with him and Jeno stepped in to deffend him, and how even when he got his ass beaten by those kids, he gave Jaemin his best smile and told him not to worry. Or the time he had found a stray puppy and asked Jaemin over so the both could play with it until they found someone who could adopt it. As he talked, Jaemin realized he maybe was meant to fall for Jeno. All the things he did, all the things he said.

 

It was eight in the afternoon when they heard a "ding" from Jaemin's phone. He fell from the sofa trying to get up fast at the thought of Jeno texting him. Renjun was also expectant, as he had gotten invested in their relationship as if it was a drama on TV.

 

"Is it him?"

 

Jaemin sounded disappointed. "No, it's Donghyuck. He says he's getting dinner and is asking what I want. Are you staying? I can tell him to grab you something too." He offered, lifting his gaze from his screen.

 

"Yeah, sounds fun. That way you can tell him your feelings for Jeno and I'll get to see him overreact." Jaemin rolled his eyes.

 

Donghyuck arrived a little later carrying a bag with the food. They all sat down on the floor in a circle in the small living area. It was a chill night, but in Jaemin's opinion, those were the best if you were with the right people, and he definitely was. When he told Donghyuck about Jeno, he felt less burdened, because he knew that, besides joking around a little, his roommate would not give him a hard time. And he had Renjun with him for support. Donghyuck reacted as expected: he put his hands over his open mouth, and his eyes widened in fake disbelief while he let out:

 

"Oh, no? Jeno? Really? That's a shocker! Who would have told?"

 

Jaemin rolled his eyes and Renjun laughed loudly.

 

"On a serious note, though," his roommate said. "If you two don't end up dating I'm going to go to his house and kick his ass."

 

"And I will help you," added Renjun.

 

Jaemin smiled at them both. "I love you guys, thank you for having my back."

 

Later that evening they were watching a horror movie when Jaemin got a text, and this time it was from Jeno. He had sent him a selfie in which he looked adorable, although tired, as he was still at the studio -he didn't have work, but he had told Jaemin he was going to spend the day there practicing. The caption read "missed you today" and he also sent a kiss emoji. Jaemin squealed. Donghyuck turned to him frowning.

 

"What's wrong?"

 

He showed his friends the text. "What do I reply? What do I do?"

 

Donghyuck ripped the device off his hands. "Give it to me, dumbass."

 

He didn't let Jaemin see what he had typed, he even showed the other boy first. They both looked at each other trying really hard not to smile. When the youngest got his phone back, he saw Donghyuck had texted him "if you missed me that much, then come see me" and an angry emoji. He secretly wanted to see him, but in reality, he should go to bed soon in order to wake up early the next day: he had a schedule to follow and he didn't want to mess it up.

 

"I swear t-" he started saying, but a new "ding" from his phone interrupted him. Jeno replied he would be there in an hour. He tried to keep calm when he informed his friends about the new text, but they reacted as if they were getting married and started screaming in excitement all around the place. "You both are the worst, oh my God. He's been over before, jeez."

 

Although meeting Jeno was something he always felt like doing, he wasn't exactly happy, but he couldn't bring himself to cancel. Besides if he did his friends would probably lynch him. But he couldn't stop thinking about his upcoming midterms and all he things he still needed to get done. He was definetely torn.

 

When Jeno finally showed up, he looked like a million bucks, and Jaemin could hear his friends whispering behind them, probably judging every move they made. Jaemin put all his efforts into not looking like it wasn't his idea to ask Jeno over, mainly because he didn't want to make him feel bad for coming.

 

Jeno only noticed they weren't alone when he walked further into the room.

 

"Oh, you are all here." Then he looked at Renjun, visibly trying to remember if they had already met, which they hadn't. "Nice meeting you, I'm Jeno." He introduced himself politely, bowing slightly.

 

"I'm Renjun." Jaemin silently thanked his friend for being subtle and not saying anything that gave all the situation away.

 

Jeno turned to Jaemin. "So, what did you want to do?"

 

The youngest hummed. "I don't know."

 

"He just wanted to see your pretty face." Donghyuck added. Renjun chuckled, turning his back on them so they wouldn't see him laugh. Jeno, of course, noticed, and looked at Jaemin in confusion.

 

"Ignore him, he's drunk again." He said waving his hands.

 

Jaemin heard Donghyuck say "but I haven't been drinking, though?" in a tone that was meant to only be heard Renjun, who was still laughing in the back of the room.

 

"Oh. Right." Jeno was still visibly confused. "In that case we should all go out and take the party somewhere else, don't you think? Maybe go to a noraebang?"

 

Jaemin didn't want to say yes, but everyone else looked excited to do what Jeno had suggested.

 

"Yeah, I guess that could work." He finally agreed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, how have y'all been? i hope you enjoyed this new chapter^^ i'm excited for you to read what's coming next!! you know the drill, leave kudos and comments if you will, it really makes my day c:  
> [follow me on twitter!](https://twitter.com/c0smicg4y)


	7. Chapter 7

The streets were flooded with people, as it was a Saturday night and the weather was pleasing. It wasn't raining, like it had been the weekend before, and a plain jacket would do the job of keeping you warm. The four boys entered the first noraebang they found. They didn't really care about the songs or the quality of the alcohol: they just wanted to have a good time.

 

Jaemin hadn't quit worrying about all the things he had to study, and he complained about that to Renjun as soon as Jeno was far from them enough so he couldn't hear them. Renjun brushed it off, telling him that it was just a one time thing, and that getting a few hours more of sleep wouldn't entirely mess up his planning for the next day.

 

Donghyuck seemed the most excited of them all. He suggested getting a few drinks before instead of going directly into singing, so the rest just followed along. The first round of tequila shots was on him, and they took them in one gulp at the same time. Jaemin gagged right after he swallowed, because he hated tequila with all his being, and his roommate laughed at him while Jeno rubbed his back with a concerned look on his face.

 

They did a couple more shots -though this time Jaemin didn't order tequila, despite being aware of the fact that maybe mixing cheap booze wasn't the smartest move- and then they asked for a room to sing in, which they booked for an hour.

 

They sat down with renewed drinks by their sides, and started looking for something to sing on the catalogue, when Donghyuck snapped cheekily:

 

"I have a revolutionary idea, why don't we play truth or dare, huh?" He wiggled his eyebrows at the rest of the boys, who didn't think his idea was revolutionary _at all_.

 

"Hyuck we haven't come all the way here to spend our money on overpriced alcohol and play truth or dare, we could have stayed home for that." Renjun replied. Jaemin thanked him mentally, annoyed. He wasn't making it any easier for him.

 

"Hear me out!" Donghyuck was already a bit drunk, his red ears gave him away. "We can have singing battles, and the one who loses, has to choose truth or dare. It is way more exciting."He looked around to see his friends' faces, expecting another reaction, maybe even a praise for being _so creative._

 

Finally Jeno spoke. "I like the idea." It seemed like he was saying it just to keep Donghyuck happy and the party going, and not because he really wanted to do it.

 

Eventually everyone gave in, and to be honest, if Jaemin hadn't spent much time worrying, he would have enjoyed it. At first everyone sang like it was no big deal, they were all over the place, out of tune, acting dramatically, but then the dares kept getting more and more embarrassing, courtesy of Donghyuck. The truth questions were also not an option, Jaemin thought, because he was ninety per cent sure his friends would force him to confess to Jeno, and he didn't want to do that, or at least not yet. Not in front of those two drunken clowns.

 

Jeno lost to Jaemin when the other two told them to sing _Hold up_ by IOI. None of them did good, but at least they were having fun -Jeno's impersonation of Yeonjung during her high note was super funny. Until, of course, the part in which he had to choose truth or dare.

 

"Dare." He said without hesitation, downing whatever alcohol was left in his glass.

 

Donghyuck and Renjun pretended to think about it, but Jaemin could swear to God they had had that dare planned since the beginning of the night. "We dare you to kiss your oponent on the lips." They said, with devilish grins on their faces. In Jaemin's mind they also had horns and a pointy tail each, because they came straight from Hell.

 

Jeno didn't make a huge deal out of it, shrugging when he turned to Jaemin, who was looking at both of his friends like he was about tho kill them. His ears were red, not knowing if it was from the alcohol or out of embarrassment, probably a mixture of both. Then he fixed his eyes on Jeno, who stepped a little closer to him.

 

He froze in the spot as Jeno leaned in closing his eyes, and when their lips were together, he felt as if his heart was going to jump out of his chest. It was quick, a peck. Neither that nor the situation helped him enjoy the moment in which he kissed the person he longed for the most. He should be excited, and for sure his friends thought they were doing him a favour, but it didn't feel like that. He couldn't enjoy it because he knew Jeno was doing it for the dare. It made him angry.

 

"Can we go back to the dorm?" He asked when Jeno pulled back. "I'm tired and I need to get shit done in the morning."

 

His friends looked at him confused, as if they were about to slap him. He saw Jeno from the corner of his eye, and the boy was rubbing his neck staring at the ground. No one said anything else and they left the place. He said goodbye to Jeno without even looking at him in the eyes, and he and Donghyuck walked back to their dorm without speaking a word.

 

Jaemin was getting ready for bed when he got a text. He looked at his screen and it was from Jeno, who asked if he was okay. Jaemin sighed unlocking his phone to type a quick no. He didn't want to lie, because it was quite obvious that he wasn't.

 

Donghyuck tried speaking to him when he got out of the bathroom to get into his bed, but he didn't answer and his roommate gave up. Maybe he would feel less angry when he woke up.

 

 

 

But he didn't feel better. He felt betrayed. He got that hey were trying to help and all. But they should have asked him if he felt comfortable, or waited to do something he was happy with, not daring Jeno to kiss him. Besides, it probably didn't mean anything to the other boy. It was a dare, a stupid dare while they were drunk.

 

Despite going to sleep late, he woke up pretty early. Donghyuck was still sleeping when he left the room, headed to the library. He didn't feel like being around anyone at that moment, he wanted to focus on studying, as he had planned from the beginning. That way he would think about tissues and organs instead of Jeno's lips and how mad he was at everything.

 

During the day the barely took two breaks: one for coffee and another one to go to the bathrrom. He didn't check his phone the whole time, because he knew he had texts from Jeno since the night before and he didn't want to answer them. He saw Renjun was at the library too, but he tried not to get noticed, because he didn't have the strength or the patience to talk to his friend at that moment.

 

At around 6 p.m. he already had finished all he had set himself to do that day, which made him feel proud. He deserved another break, he thought. And it was like God had heard his thoughts, because he felt someone tapping his shoulder. When he turned around, he saw Jeno. He was shocked, so it took him a few seconds to talk.

 

"What are you doing here?" he whispered. He was in the library, after all.

 

"Do you have time for a break?" The other asked.

 

He got up from his seat and followed Jeno to the exit. They went outside and sat in the staircase. Jaemin noticed the palms of his hands being sweaty.

 

Jeno finally spoke: "Don't worry, I'm not stalking you. Renjun told me you were here." He let out a little laugh and Jaemin cursed his friend to himself. "You weren't replying, Hyuck hadn't seen you all day... I was worried, that's all."

 

Jaemin wasn't looking at him directly. He was a little ashamed of what had happened the night before, and he didn't want to confront Jeno about his feelings.

 

"Have you eaten?" Jeno asked. Jaemin finally looked at him and noticed for the first time the other boy was carrying a bag, which he handed to him.

 

"No, I have not." He replied, taking the bag.

 

"You have to eat, Nana." Jeno punched him softly in the shoulder. "You can't forget to have your meals. I know studying is important for you, but your health should always come first. You should already know that."

 

Jaemin felt the blood rush directly into his face. How can someone be so thoughtful? He really was lucky to have Jeno in his life. He unwrapped the turkey sandwich that was in the bag and took a sip of the soda while they sat in silence for a while.

 

"Are you mad at me?" Jeno asked.

 

Jaemin turned to him frowning. "No. Of course not."

 

"Oh. Good, I guess."

 

"I'm mad at Hyuck and Jun. They... It just wasn't appropriate."

 

"You know, if it bothered you that much, you could have just told me, and I wouldn't have kissed you." The boy didn't seem angry, but maybe a little disappointed.

 

"Yeah, I guess that's on me too, then." Jaemin admitted.

 

"Jaemin..." Jeno started, but he cut him off.

 

"Can we never bring it up again? I don't want us to be weird because of it, I want us to be normal. Can we do that?"

 

Jeno blinked, upset that he didn't get to say what he wanted to say, but then he nodded.

 

"Yeah. Let's never bring it up."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed this one! it's kinda all over the place and kinda short but... anyways you know what to do: kudos and comments always make my day!   
> [follow me on twitter!](https://twitter.com/c0smicg4y)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for this (kinda?)

Saying that midterms were finally over still felt like a dream. The weather was nice, there was nothing else to worry about, everything had gone back to normal. It was such a relief going back to having time to do nothing.

 

During the time before the midterms, Jeno had been dropping by every time he could to make sure that Jaemin was alright. Since the day at the studio, he worried a lot about him being in the right state of mind, about him eating enough, and about him getting enough sleep. Jaemin felt blessed to have such an amazing person by his side, even if it was just as a friend. Donghyuck, who had apologized a hundred times to Jaemin after the "incident," said that they were dating without knowing, and he was convinced that Jaemin should confess and make it official. But the younger wasn't that sure. He still wasn't confident enough to even tell Jeno he was gay, much less tell him he was gay for _him_.

 

Jaemin hadn't been back for the studio in the past two weeks, which was when he felt more guilty when he did things that were not studying. But he was finally free, he could do whatever he wanted, so he stopped by a bakery and got two pieces of cake, and then he headed there at the time he knew Jeno had a break.

 

When he entered the building, the first person he saw was Taeyong, Jeno's roommate, the one who offered the job to him.

 

"Taeyong-hyung, hi." He waved at him when the older looked his way.

 

"Oh, Jaemin! I didn't know you were coming." Taeyong looked like this big, scary guy, but Jaemin knew he was not: whenever he went to their apartment and he was there, he made sure to ask Jaemin about his day, and the younger knew he took good care of Jeno. "Jeno is upstairs, I bet you can find him easily."

 

He could, indeed, find him easily, because when he got out of the elevator, Jeno was outside waiting for it.

 

"Oh, Nana! Here you are." He welcomed his friend with the warmest of all smiles.

 

"Guess who finished his exams and got cake to celebrate?"

 

They went to the staff room and Jeno boiled some water to make tea, and Jaemin sat at the round table in the middle of the room, where he opened the box with the cake. He had chosen a strawberry and whipped cream one.

 

"So, how do you think it went?" Jeno asked while they waited for the water to boil.

 

"I'm not sure, I think I did a good job, but right now I'm just happy it's over." He replied.

 

"I'm happy if you are happy, then."

 

They enjoyed their cake, talking about Jeno's job. He was now in charge of teaching to younger kids, and he loved it. "They are so sweet, Nana, you can't even imagine, and they work really hard. This one boy told me he wanted to be like me when he grows up and I swear to God I almost cried in front of him. It's just so rewarding." His body language when he talked about something he loved was one of the things Jaemin liked the most about him: his lips formed a little smile, his eyes lit up, and he kind of jumped up and down in excitement. He was just like one of the little kids he was talking about.

 

Not much later, they had to say goodbye, as Jeno's break time was already over. His friend thanked him for coming over and for the cake.

 

"Oh, shoot. I almost forgot." Jeno turned around in the middle of the hallway, almost making Jaemin trip with him. "Taeyong-hyung is having a party tomorrow. He's renting a club and lots of crazy shit, and he told me to tell you." He smiled in a welcoming way. "You can tell Hyuck and Jun. I think Mark-hyung is coming too, so..."

 

"I can't believe he even told _you_ that he likes Mark..." Jaemin said.

 

"Well, some people don't mind talking to their friends about their crushes..." Jaemin frowned at his friend, not knowing really well what he was trying to say.

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"Nothing. I'm running late, see you tomorrow!"

 

 

Donghyuck was trying to get away with not going to the party -according to him, he was too tired to go out after all he had had to study,- but Jaemin was not having it.

 

"Mark-hyung is going so, your loss..." He said in an attempt to blackmail his roommate.

 

"You could have started there, then!" The other one replied, getting up. He opened the closet and turned to Jaemin. "What can I wear?"

 

"I still can't believe you told Jeno you're into Mark, you're not even that close." Jaemin was on his bed, with his arms crossed, staring at his friend while he went through his clothes.

 

"Exactly. I was trying to bond. If he is going to be your boyfriend, I'll need to get along with him."

 

Jaemin decided it was a waste of time contradicting Donghyuck, so he didn't say anything else.

 

"So! What should I wear? I'm making a move on Mark tonight."

 

"Are you sure about that?" Jaemin raised an eyebrow. It was true Donghyuck and Mark were actually pretty close and his roommate had been talking about taking it to the next level, maybe ask him on a date, but he always backed out.

 

"Yes, I am sure. It's the perfect chance. Besides you'll be able to learn from the best and apply my dating knowledge to your own love life."

 

Jaemin sighed. "I can't stand you."

 

 

 

Lots of people were waiting in line to go into the fancy club in which Taeyong was throwing his party. Jaemin, Renjun and Donghyuck were all waiting outside, as Jeno had instructed them to: they didn't need to wait, he would come out and get them inside as soon as they arrived. Jaemin could spot Jeno behind a group of people smoking by the door, and he waved to catch the other's attention. Jeno showed them a bright smile and gestured to the inside of the club, so Jaemin turned around to tell his friends to follow him.

 

The moment they opened the door, they could hear music playing loudly. The place was huge: there was a large dance floor and a DJ booth in the background, with a screen that covered the whole wall behind it, in which there were playing videos of people dancing. The lights changed from warm to light colours, as if it they were inside of a moving rainbow, and lots of smoke came out of machines and covered the ground. If someone had dropped anything, it would have been really hard to find. To the sides of the dance floor there were little areas with sofas and tables with bottles of champagne ready to be popped open. There was even a second floor that could be seen from downstairs.

 

The three boys, who were new to that kind of stuff, had their mouths wide open in shock.

 

"Does Taeyong shit gold?" Donghyuck asked.

 

Jeno laughed at the comment, shrugging. "No, but his father does."

 

 

 

There was a point in which everything became blurry to Jaemin. Jeno had been handing glasses of mysterious alcohol all night without telling him what was in them - _secret cocktail recipe_ , he said whenever he was asked-, and as the "secret recipe" didn't taste that much like alcohol, Jaemin finished the drinks at the speed of light. He wasn't realizing how drunk he was getting either, until it suddenly hit him that he couldn't recognice his friends in the ocean of dancing people unless he got really close to their faces.

 

He was having a good time, dancing and jumping around. At the moment he was only with Renjun. Jeno had disappeared a long time ago, and Jaemin remembered Donghyuck hardcore kissing Mark in a sofa two songs ago.

 

Renjun was also pretty drunk himself, and Jaemin found funny how he danced, putting his hands in the air and banging his head back and forth while jumping. They both came up with a game: they would try to imitate the moves the other did. At first it was boring because they weren't drunk enough to really let go, but after a few drinks they weren't so shy anymore.

 

"You know what we should do now?" Renjun asked raising his voice. Even though he was speaking right next to Jaemin's ear, it was hard to understand him, so he had to repeat himself. Once he finally understood, he nodded waiting to hear Renjun's idea. "Shots!" They both screamed excited. "Let's get the rest."

 

They went directly in Donghyuck and Mark's direction, who had now stopped kissing but were staring intensely into each other's eyes while holding hands. They didn't seem too enthusiastic about getting shots, but the other two were too persistent, so they gave in.

 

"Where is Jeno?" Mark asked looking around.

 

Jaemin noticed how Donghyuck kicked Mark in the leg while looking right behind him. He turned around, and he wished he hadn't.

 

He froze and felt how the effects of the alcohol suddenly went away when he saw Jeno kissing a random girl in the dance floor. He felt a sharp pain inside his chest, so he supposed his heart was breaking, actually tearing into pieces. He didn't notice the tears running down his cheeks until Donghyuck, who looked concerned, wiped one of his face.

 

"I'm sorry, Jaemin." He said. "Do you want to go home?"

 

The boy didn't answer. He felt like he had forgotten how to talk, or walk. Even breathing felt harder than usual. He didn't know if he wanted to go home and cry his eyes out or stay and drink until passing out. He just kept staring for what felt like an eternity until his vision became blurry.

 

He felt a hand in the small of his back, but he couldn't turn around to see who it was. He did hear Renjun's voice when he told Donghyuck he would take Jaemin home.

 

The streets of Seoul had never seemed colder and darker. The city was always full of flashing lights, full of people and cars. That day Jaemin had the sensation that he was alone. He didn't hear a sound, all he could see as Renjun guided him back to the dorm was a blur of light that made it impossible for him to distinguish what was in front of him. He barely even noticed his friend beside him.

 

His dorm room didn't feel like home either. For moths, it had been a safe place to come back to, a place where he knew Donghyuck waited for him so they could talk about their days, their problems, where he would hear his roommate rant about his crush on a certain boy, a place where the people he cared about would get together and make him forget about all the stress his lectures caused him. In that moment it just felt like a place to sleep, without memories attatched.

 

He was feeling dazed, numb, like a train had run him over. Renjun helped him sit on his bed and he inmediately broke down sobbing like a baby, with his head between his knees. Suddenly he felt everything at once. It just hit him how hurt he was by what he had seen at that club. He was sad he wasn't the one to be held by Jeno, to be kissed by him in such a way. He was sad his best friend hadn't chosen him, like he had chosen his best friend. He was also angry at himself because he had been dumb enough to fall for someone who just saw him as a friend. His eyes burned from the tears, and his head hurt from all the things he was feeling, from all the memories of Jeno taking care of him, smiling at him, telling him how important he was to him.

 

Renjun sat silently on the bed right next to him, with a hand placed on Jaemin's shoulder, as if saying "I'm right here if you need me." He waited patiently for Jaemin to calm down, reminding him to breathe whenever Jaemin's cries got worse, and eventually the younger calmed down.

 

Only then, Renjun asked: "do you want to talk?"

 

"I don't know how to put it into words." Jaemin started steadily, but as soon as he started speaking, he felt the tears wanting to come back to his eyes. "I- I feel betrayed. I thought... I don't even know. I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up." He sniffled. "E-ever since I told you g-guys... I shouldn't have g-gotten... carried a-away, I guess..."

 

"I'm sorry." Renjun whispered.

 

"Don't be. You guys were trying to make me happy."

 

That night the boy had trouble falling asleep, because every time he closed his eyes all he could see was the image of Jeno kissing that girl on loop, and all he could focus on was not crying. His friend stayed by his side until he eventually fell asleep, occupating then Donghyuck's bed, who was not going back to the dorm. He had texted asking Renjun to stay by Jaemin's side as soon as he knew he was spending the night at Mark's.

 

The next day, Renjun stayed until Jaemin's roommate got back to the dorm, making sure his friend was alright -which he wasn't.

 

Jaemin saw on his phone a ton of texts from Jeno, and even though he would always text back at the speed of light, that day he didn't feel like answering.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i bet you didn't see this coming... dw neither did i when i wrote it. in any case i hope you liked it! if so, kudos and comments are always welcome (and they make me super happy).  
> [let's be friends on twitter!](https://twitter.com/c0smicg4y)


	9. Chapter 9

The air around him was thick, and the sweat made his clothes stick to his skin. He swallowed another shot of vodka, and he turned around so his older friend didn't see him gag at the burning sensation the alcohol left down his throat. They had two more shots left each, but he was already tired of drinking. Drowning your feelings in alcohol sounds funnier and tastier than it really is, he figured.

 

It had already been two weeks since Taeyong's party, and Jeno had tried to reach Jaemin a hundred times without success. The younger could be very stubborn at times, and the older knew that, but it took him long enough to give up.

 

The day after the party, he assumed Jaemin wasn't answering his texts because his battery was dead and he was so hangover he didn't even bother to charge it. The day after that, he started to worry. The thing was, it was true Jeno had gotten really drunk at the party and didn't remember a good part of it, so he didn't know if he had said or done anything to the younger that he could regret. He thought about going to the dorm, but when he asked Taeyong about it, the older looked at him like he was crazy. _If he isn't asnwering your texts, what makes you think he wants to see you?_ , he asked very seriously. And he was right, Jeno agreed after putting a little thought into it. Then he had another idea, which was slightly better: texting Hyuck.

 

Jaemin's best friend was really hard to deal with, Jeno thought after exchanging a few words with him. He was no longer the funny guy who always put everyone in a good mood, but a mean version of him. He made sure Jeno knew how much Jaemin didn't want to see him without giving him a valid reason why. _Maybe you shouldn't have gotten so wasted,_ drunk friend _, maybe then you would remember how much you fucked up_ -when Jeno read that he could feel the sharp, sarcastic tone of the other as if they were talking in person.

 

He then thought he could maybe get better results by talking to Renjun, Jaemin's kinder friend. And he was right, kind of. The chinese boy didn't get into much detail, because he explained that it wasn't his place to tell him about his friend's feelings, but he confirmed Jeno had done something at that party that really hurt Jaemin and that he wasn't ready to talk or see him yet because of that.

 

The journey of feelings he went through those days was interesting. At first he felt worried about Jaemin -was he safe? Had something happened to him?-, then he felt sad and anxious -what had he possibly said? Had he told him about...? No, that could not be, right? But that sadness and anxiety turned into anger after he talked to Jaemin's friends. The younger was not only being stubborn, but he was also childish. What kind of mature person would avoid talking to sort things out? How were they supposed to be okay again if he refused to talk? But Jeno wasn't an angry person, so he didn't remain like that more than a couple of days, and the anger turned back into sadness.

 

He was sad because he felt like he was losing his best friend again. He was sad because he there wasn't that much more he could do. He was sad because when you love someone it hurts to see them hurt, and it hurts even more if you know you are the reason why they feel bad.

 

He went for the second shot of vodka.

 

Jeno loved Jaemin, and he felt he had known that since they were kids, even though his brain tried to hide it from him. When Jeno's friends started dating, he had already been with two or three girls. He was quite a flirt, or at least that's what everyone would say if you mentioned his name. He always got the most cards on Valentine's Day, he was always followed by girls obsessed with his looks and charming personality. At first he liked the attention, he went along because it was nice having people who liked him, it was what felt right. But as he grew up, he noticed it wasn't working: none of his relationships lasted, he wasn't actually interested in any of the girls who asked him out, or in any girl at all.

 

That afternoon at Jaemin's dorm room in which they watched a rom-com, he finally came to the conclusion that his life couldn't keep going the way it had back in high school. Ever since he started hanging out with Jaemin again, he started feeling things for him. Things that maybe had been there forever, but had awoken the moment they met again. Things that weren't just a good friendship, like the one he had with his roommates, Taeyong and Ten.

 

Jeno loved Jaemin, and coming to terms with it also meant coming to terms with the fact that he wasn't straight after all. That wasn't easy, althought he was positive nothing was wrong with it. It wasn't easy because it meant facing all those past failed relationships and knowing he probably hurt a lot of those girls because he wasn't honest with himself. It wasn't easy because his family would be disappointed, at least at first, that he wasn't going to have a beautiful bride and kids that looked like them.

 

He shook his head and sighed when Ten told him to drink the last shot.

 

"I don't want to drink more, Ten." He said.

 

"Oh my god, Jeno, drink it already. I have already paid for it!" The other whined.

 

"This is not helping me not think about Nana. In fact, it is making me think more about him."

 

Ten sighed loudly and rolled his eyes. He had been nothing but supportive during those days, but he had had enough of Jeno pitying himself, that's why he had basically forced him out of the apartment to party together. Yet there he was again, talking about Jaemin.

 

"What do you want me to say? That you should talk to him?" Ten asked raising an eyebrow. "Because, yeah, you should, but maybe not yet."

 

"But I'm tired of waiting and blaming myself for whatever I did to him, which, by the way, I still don't know."

 

"You still have no idea, huh?" Ten finally took the shot Jeno wasn't planning on drinking. "Maybe... Maybe he saw you kiss that girl and got upset."

 

Jeno turned to the older frowning. "Okay, first of all, _she_ kissed me, and it was because her ex was around and wouldn't leave her alone. Besides, Nana wouldn't get upset about that. I am sure he doesn't feel the same about me."

 

"I wouldn't be so sure about that, though." Ten was the kind of person to support his friends so much, that when said friend had a crush, he would interpret everything they did as a sign of their crush liking them back. Jeno rolled his eyes. "I saw the way he looked at you whenever he came over." The older explained. "You were always the first to know when he had good _and_ bad news, you were the first he came to. He blushes all the time you get too close. He gets all shaky and stutters when you do anything too bold. And the "you just have to find the right person" thing? That bitch was talking about himself!"

 

"Ten..." Jeno started, but the older cut him off.

 

"Oh, my, God, you are so annoying. I know heart-eyes when I see them, and Jaemin's were the biggest heart-eyes I have seen since Taeyong started dating Jaehyun."

 

Jeno decided that fighting Ten on that matter was pointless, and didn't bother to contradict him again. Instead, he ordered two more shots. For some reason he felt like drinking again after that conversation.

 

 

 

Two good weeks had passed and Jaemin still had trouble sleeping without picturing Jeno at that club kissing that girl whenever he closed his eyes. At first the boy had been consistently trying to reach him: he had texted Jaemin at least a hundred times and, according to his phone, he had 30 missed calls from him. But Jaemin was hurt, and he didn't feel ready to reply. He thought about texting back or picking his calls so Jeno wouldn't know about his feelings, because he didn't want to admit to him that he was in love and that what he saw actually felt like a punch in the stomach. But he didn't want to text back, keep seeing him and act like nothing had happened. He needed time to heal, and he finally decided that it would be better for him not to see him or talk to him for a while, even if it meant that he would have to confess to Jeno in the end.

 

When Jeno stopped trying to contact him, a part of Jaemin felt relieved that he didn't have to deal with his friend, that he could finally have time to think about other things. But the other part felt sad that Jeno had given up. It was hard for him to get that part of him to shut up and let him rest.

 

He was thankful he had his friends by his side. Donghyuck could be the least serious person he knew, but the guy knew when to stop messing around and show support. He had been making sure Jaemin was alright, always asking him if he needed to talk whenever he saw his friend especially sad, like he was in that moment.

 

"Are you thinking about him again?" He asked, looking up from his laptop. He had noticed how quiet and still his friend was.

 

"Yeah..." Jaemin sighed. "I miss him."

 

"Have you thought of finally talking to him?"

 

"Yeah, but I doubt he'll talk to me, though." Jaemin said, discouraged. "He stopped texting me really quick."

 

"Maybe he got the message and didn't want to bother you anymore..." Donghyuck said. He hadn't told him that Jeno had texted him a few days ago because the point of Jaemin not talking to Jeno was that he didn't want to think about him.

 

"Maybe you are right. But I don't know what to say to him."

 

"The truth?" Donghyuck raised an eyebrow. Even when he behaved like a caring friend he was still his sassy self.

 

A "ding" came out of Jaemin's phone, telling him he had a new message, so he reached for the device that rested on his bedside table charging. The boy narrowed his eyes.

 

"It's him." He said, and his roommate moved his laptop from his legs to get up and sit on Jaemin's bed next to him. "It looks like he is drunk." He added after reading the mistyped text that said "Nana, I'm sorry I was a jerk to you, I miss you."

 

"See? He does want to talk to you." Donghyuck said after reading the text too.

 

"What should I reply?" Jaemin asked.

 

"Tell him to come over when he isn't wasted."

 

 

 

The dancefloor was crowded with sweaty, dancing bodies. Jeno and Ten were in the middle of it, drunkely moving to the beat. Despite being a talented dancer, Ten sure was clumsy when he had had a few drinks.

 

Jeno felt his phone vibrate in the front pocket of his ripped jeans, and he reached for it, ignoring Ten for a second. He saw a text from Jaemin, and his face lit up inmediately. He had finally replied! After two weeks of solemn silence, Jaemin had finally replied. Jeno was so excited and drunk that it took him a good minute to decypher what the blurry characters meant, but when he did his eyes lit up to match his face and he started yelling and jumping in Ten's direction.

 

"He texted back, hyung!"

 

Ten, who was just as drunk and excited about the good news, also started screming. "What did he say?"

 

"He told me he is ready to talk tomorrow when I'm sober." Jeno replied, smiling like a fool. "We shouldn't stay much longer, I need to sleep it off and clear my mind."

 

"Yeah, you're right. We should go." Ten agreed.

 

They both exited the club and got into a taxi to take them back to their apartment. The whole ride, and until he fell asleep, all Jeno could think about was Jaemin, and the last image that came to his head right before was the boy's sweet smile.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well hello again. this is sadly coming to an end, so i hope i don't let y'all down sigh. i hope you enjoyed this even though it is kinda short? as i always say, kudos and comments always make my day so they are very much appreciated^^ thank you so much to everyone who reads this, it means a lot <3 until next week!  
> [let's be friends on twitter!](https://twitter.com/c0smicg4y)


	10. Chapter 10

"Nervous" was a word that couldn't quite describe how Jaemin was feeling. He couldn't think about anything but the fact that he finally had to confess to Jeno. His legs felt like jelly, his hands were all sweaty and he couldn't stop pacing around his dorm room, moving his stuff from place to place in an attempt to tidy, to the point that even Donghyuck got annoyed and asked him to sit down. Even then, his legs wouldn't stop bouncing.

 

Jeno had agreed to come over to the dorm in a few hours, and the clock didn't seem to change the hour fast enough. Jaemin just wanted to get it over with so his body would stop acting up. He would deal with the outcome later.

 

At first he thought of writing down a list of things he could say to avoid confessing his feelings, but Donghyuck caught him and talked him out of it. In the end his friend was right, lying to Jeno wouldn't make things okay. He had to tell him the truth, not just because the lie wouldn't get him far, but for himself. He would feel so much better once he was finally honest about his feelings, and even if Jeno rejected him, they would still be able to work it out. If he lied, he wouldn't be happy. Telling the truth was the right thing to do.

 

The time came when Jeno texted Jaemin that he was close, and the latter's heart jumped to his throat. He had spent the whole day since he woke up preparing for that moment, and he thought he was finally convinced that he was going to be okay, but the moment he recieved Jeno's text, every encouraging word he had been telling himself felt like a lie.

 

_You can do it, Jaemin. You got this. It's going to be okay. You can do it, you can do it, it's okay. You got this._

 

Donghyuck was going to Mark's place to give them some time alone to talk, and when he opened the door to leave, Jeno was outside ready to knock.

 

"Hi," Jaemin's friend said in the driest voice possible.

"Hey," the other boy replied shyly.

 

Donghyuck exited the room, not without looking back at Jaemin, whose body was suddenly tense, except from his fidgeting hands. The latter nodded, letting his friend know he would text him if he needed anything. Then he left.

 

Jeno stepped in and closed the door behind him quietly. The atmosphere in the room was thick, you could cut the tension with a knife.

 

_It's okay, Jaemin, you got this._

 

Looking at Jeno hurt. Any other day, Jaemin would stop to appreciate Jeno's features: his long eyelashes, his big nose, the cute shape of his upper lip and his Cupid's bow, the wrinkles around his eyes when he smiled, or his sharp jawline. But it that moment, Jaemin could only awkwardly stare at the ground, silently thinking of what to say.

 

"Should we sit?" Jeno asked, breaking the silence.

 

Jaemin nodded, pointing to the couch. He still couldn't bring himself to look up at Jeno, and he sat as far as he could from him in the small sofa.

 

"I'm really happy to see you again, Nana." Jeno spoke quietly. "You can't even imagine how much I've missed you. My life becomes so boring when I don't get to share it with you."

 

"I'm sorry." The other boy muttered in a raspy voice. He cleared his throat, finally looking up. "I'm sorry I cut you off like that. I... I needed t-time to heal."

 

Jeno nodded. His elbows rested on his knees, and his fingers were intertwined. Jaemin figured that helped him not fidget with his silver ring, which he did whenever he was nervous. After a thoughtful silence, the older boy spoke again. "I still don't know what I did. Whatever it was... I'm sure you had your reasons not to talk to me. I... I just want to tell you that I love you, Jaemin." He looked straight into Jaemin's eyes when he said that, and the latter felt like he was looking into his soul. "I love you, and I would never do anything to hurt you on purpose."

 

"J-Jeno..." Jaemin knew for a fact both his ears and cheeks were flaming red, because the fact that Jeno said that he loved him had struck him completely by surprise.

 

"No, please, let me finish. I need to get this out of my system." Jeno sighed and stretched his body as if he was going to start a fight with someone. "Jaemin... I love you. In a non-platonic way. I realized this... Well. When we met at Mark's party, really." Jaemin's eyes were fixed on Jeno's. "These past two weeks made me realize how strong my feelings for you are. I... I hated myself for hurting you. I knew you needed time, and I was willing to give it to you, because I'd do whatever for you. But at the end of the day... I just wanted to talk to you. I always want to come back to you."

 

Jaemin didn't notice until then that he had been holding his breath until he let it go.

 

"It's okay if you don't feel the same." Jeno quickly added.

 

"Jeno..."

 

"Forget this ever happened, we can continue being just friends. It's totally okay, a hundred per cent. I understand." At this point the boy was just nervously rambling.

"Jeno!" Jaemin snapped. "Listen to me!"

 

The older shut his mouth and looked at Jaemin in the eyes again, waiting for him to say what he wanted to say.

 

"I feel the same." He blurted out.

 

Jeno's eyes opened wide in disbelief, lighting up, a half-grin forming on his lips. "You do?"

 

Jaemin chuckled. "Yeah." He took a deep breath and exhaled so he could put his thoughts in order. Jeno's confession had made his head go crazy. "The reason I didn't want to talk to you is... I saw kiss a girl at Taeyong's party. I know it's stupid to be jealous, I do not own you, we were nothing. But... It hurt. And I needed time."

 

"That meant nothing." Jeno said quietly, and Jaemin shrugged, grinning.

 

"Jeno, I love you. So, so much. Even if I was hurting, I also wanted to come back to you. I don't think I've ever loved anyone that wasn't you."

 

They both stared at each other with glowing eyes and joyful smiles. Jaemin felt ten pounds lighter after saying what he had to say. Jeno's words also made him feel like he was levitating. If someone had told him that this was going to happen when the day started, he would have looked at them like they were crazy. It was so low on the "possible scenario" list, that it never even crossed his mind.

 

Jeno cleared his throat. "I truly thought you only saw me as a friend. Like... When we kissed because of the dare and you told me to forget it..."

 

"Because I didn't want our first kiss to be like that!" Jaemin looked down blushing. "I wanted us to have a proper kiss."

 

"Okay. Can I kiss you properly now, then?" Jeno asked lifting an eyebrow, and Jaemin nodded shyly.

 

Jeno carefully caressed Jaemin's cheek and put a finger under his chin to make him look up while he leaned in. He licked his lips and took a short breath before cutting the distance between them. His lips felt soft on Jaemin's. He pulled away quickly, but Jaemin put a hand on his nape and pulled him closer, kissing him again, and slowly moving his lips against Jeno's. He even tangled his fingers in Jeno's short black hair. In that moment nothing else mattered, all his worries went away.

 

They spent the rest of the afternoon cuddling on the couch with the tv on, paying more attention to each other's eyes than to the drama playing in the background. Jaemin felt shivers down his spine every time Jeno ran his hands through his hair or ocasionally placed a kiss on his forehead. He was positive he had never had that kind of connection to anyone, no one had given him that famous sensation of butterflies on his stomach. More than that, in Jeno's arms he felt like he was home.

 

 

 

The way everything in life ends up falling into place is weird yet fascinating, and Jaemin found himself thinking about it a lot in the past few months. Almost six years ago he had gotten his best friend taken away, a kind of heartbreak he wouldn't wish upon anyone, and now he was sleeping next to him almost every night, feeling his heartbeat on his back every time they cuddled, his breath on his nape. He also often tried to recall the last time he had felt that happy, unsuccessfully, because there was not a single time in his life in which he felt that overwhelming feeling of utter and complete happiness: not when he got his first pet, not when he got accepted into college to study what he had always dreamed of. Nothing could compare to what he felt when his eyes met Jeno's, or when he woke up and new he was going to see him that day.

 

 

 

Jeno was peacefully sleeping on his right side with his arm around his pillow when Jaemin woke up. He frequently stayed over at Jeno's apartment, and that weekend both Taeyong and Ten were out of town, so Jeno didn't have to ask twice to convince Jaemin, who was also alone -Donghyuck was also spending it with Mark. He loved sleeping next to Jeno, it made him feel safe in a way. He also loved waking up to such a cute sight.

 

He got out of bed and went to the bathroom to wash his face. He then moved to the kitchen and stared at the open fridge a few minutes, thinking about what he could cook for breakfast. He finally decided he was doing pancakes, so he got to it. He really liked cooking, something he couldn't do as much back at the dorm's shared kitchen: there were too many people and too little space, so he usually ate out or ordered food to go.

 

Aside from the pancakes, he also brewed some coffee, and put the cups into a tray to bring it all to the bedroom when he was done cooking.

 

"Jaemin?" He heard. Jeno had finally woken up.

 

"Stay there, I'm coming!" He shouted back, putting the last pancake on its corresponding plate.

 

Jeno, who was still fighting to stay awake in bed, sleepyly smiled when he saw him enter the room with the tray. He rubbed his eyes, making room for Jaemin to set the food.

 

"I don't deserve you" he said, leaning in to kiss Jaemin's temple.

 

"Shut up and eat." The younger replied, handing him a fork. "How did you sleep?"

 

"Good, I guess. You?" Jeno asked with his mouth full, covering it with his hand.

 

"I always sleep well here. Your bed is really comfy."

 

Jeno narrowed his eyes. "I thought you were going to say that you always sleep good when you are with me!"

 

"Yeah... that too." Jaemin joked, and then took a sip of coffee.

 

A question had been going around Jaemin's mind since the day they confessed to each other. It's not that he minded it at first, but then Donghyuck kept asking him about it until it got to him. What were he and Jeno? He was pretty sure they were boyfriends, but none of them had said it out loud, so he wasn't _positive_ that it was official. When he thought of Jeno he thought of his boyfriend, but was that what Jeno thought about him? He needed to ask, he needed to be a hundred per cent sure.

 

He cleared his throat. "Can I ask you something?"

 

Jeno shrugged. "Sure."

 

"What... what are we?" He left his fork on the tray. He had finished eating the pancakes.

 

Jeno looked up at him, confused. "What?"

 

"I mean... Are we boyfriends? Like, officially." Suddenly he felt embarrassed for even asking.

 

"Do you not want us to be boyfriends?" Jeno still wasn't catching up.

 

"No, I mean, yeah, I do want it." He rambled. "It's just that Donghyuck kept asking me, and I didn't know what to say, I can't speak for you and what you want, and how you would present me to people..." He was speaking so fast Jeno started laughing.

 

"Nana, we are boyfriends, we don't need a contract to say that."

 

Jaemin sighed relieved. "Okay, I'll tell Hyuck he can stop bothering me now."

 

 

 

Time flew by and the last semester of school was finally coming to an end. Jaemin had been stressing over his finals despite of his hard work all semester -Renjun tried convincing him that he was going to be okay because he had studied hard since the beginning, but making Jaemin believe in himself wasn't always an easy task. He was also stressed because he had to move out of the dorm, which meant putting a year of his life in boxes and suitcases, and he had accumulated a ton of stuff over the school year. He had been putting away the clothes he didn't use anymore and the posters and pictures on his part of the wall.

 

It was a Friday night and Donghyuck was going to a party. He had most of the results from his exams, and he had passed all of them -although maybe not with the best grades- so he was excited to "have a life again." He had invited Jaemin multiple times, but he was on edge, because he had no clue of what his own results were or when they would arrive, so he declined every time. Instead he decided to get sushi and go over to Jeno's.

 

Ten opened the door and greeted him with a wide smile, like every time they saw each other. Jaemin really liked Jeno's roommates, they were always nice and welcoming to him, although he noticed how them both more than once eavesdropped their conversations when they were home. Jeno was aware of that too -"they are like two old ladies," he had said when Jaemin commented about it.

 

While they ate dinner, Jaemin kept checking his e-mail to see if his grades had arrived yet and Jeno pretended not to notice until they were watching a movie and his boyfriend paid more attention to his phone than to what was happening.

 

"Okay, that's it," he said, taking away the device from Jaemin's hands. "You are grounded. No more checking your e-mail today."

 

Jaemin, who was laying down with his head on his boyfriend's legs, got up and pouted. "But Jeno!"

 

"No buts, you're making me nervous." The other replied, turning off the phone and putting it into his pocket. "Do you not feel like watching the movie?"

 

Jaemin sighed, going back to his original position. Jeno paused the film.

 

Jaemin closed his eyes. "I don't know, I have too many things in my head."

"Stop stressing about your grades, babe, I'm sure you'll be fine." Jeno said with a half grin on his lips. He started caressing Jaemin's hair.

 

"It's not just that. I have to move out, and decide where I want to live next year..." He clicked his tongue.

 

"Oh. Yeah, about that... I was thinking... Maybe you want to move in with me?"

 

Jaemin opened his eyes all of a sudden, surprised by the suggestion. "Are you serious?"

 

"Y-yeah. I mean, you don't have to, but... I would love living with you" Jeno blurted out.

 

Jaemin was trying to hide his wide smile. "I would love living with you too." He said quietly. "But what about Ten and Taeyong?" He asked.

 

"We don't mind!" Ten yelled from the kitchen. Jaemin chuckled.

 

"Yeah, it was pretty much their idea." Jeno added.

 

"Okay, then... I'll have to ask my parents first, though! But sounds like a good plan."

 

Jeno leaned in to press a kiss on Jaemin's lips with the biggest smile. They could hear both of Jeno's roommates squealing and cheering in excitement from the living room.

 

 

 

Jaemin glanced one last time to the empty room that had been his home his first year of college. It was a place he would always cherish: that's where he met his now best friend, Donghyuck, where he exchanged numbers with Jeno when they reunited, where he seeked refuge during his first heartbreak... It had a lot of memories attatched to it, and although he was sad to leave, he was also excited for what the next school year in his new place with his new roommates would bring.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, that was it! thank you so much to everyone that has read this, the product of all the softness i feel for nomin. i really appreciate all the kudos and the comments y'all been leaving in the past chapters, they really make me super happy! <3  
> i have started writing another fic (also nomin), but i still don't know when i'll be able to start posting; it's totally different from this, but i still hope it's something you'd want to check out?   
> again, thank you so much for reading, let me know your thoughts! <333  
> [let's be friends on twitter!](https://twitter.com/c0smicg4y)


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